Conflict

How do you handle conflict? Do you dive right in and tackle it face on? Or do you avoid it at all costs? Do you dance around it or dance with it?

I once knew a married couple that seemed to thrive on conflict. They were always in battle over something and it seemed to fuel their relationship.

My own initial response to conflict is anger. I can say nasty things as my first reaction. It’s taken me years to reign in my tongue and not impulsively blow when under the gun. Truthfully, I am still fighting this knee jerk reaction and pray for more self-control in this area. My next response is to withdraw. I have an overwhelming urge to throw in the towel and give it all up. My fantasy at these times is to buy a cabin in the deep woods to retreat and avoid contact with all people. No people, no conflict. After this urge subsides and my primal anger is abated I start to see more clearly.

It’s at this point that I try and look at the conflict from the other person’s side. This is not an easy task, especially when I feel particularly wronged. However, I work at putting my feet in their shoes. This helps me to understand the behaviour that caused the conflict. I still may not agree, but understanding allows for empathy. And empathy opens the door to communication.

Once the door is ajar, I can move into action. A phone call, an email, a letter or a talk over tea can bring about resolution. It is from the vantage point that conflict can be resolved – only after the initial madness, the pity party and the empathy bath.

Ideally, I would like my first reaction to be propelled to this point of constructive resolution, without the hours (or days) in between.

And if you are wondering about the married couple that thrived on conflict –  well their conflict eventually drove them to divorce.

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought (1 Corinthians 1:10 NIV.)

Bestseller

They say that you need to read the equivalent of a library’s worth of books in order to write one yourself. I’m currently working on writing a book and so I’m testing this theory. A ferocious reader to begin with, I have no trouble adding more titles to my list of “must read” books.

However, as a writer and author, I am appalled by what passes as a good book. I recently stayed up until four in the morning to finish a novel – not that it was good but I just had to know what the ending would look like. I wasn’t surprised to be disappointed and chastised myself for not putting it down after the first 100 pages. But I knew that I could afford to stay up late and sleep in the next day. And this book was on Oprah’s list of choices. I like Oprah and value her opinion – or at least I had. I can’t imagine that she would read this book and give it space in her elite club.

The book itself was well written, from an editing point of view, but it was the content that disturbed me. There was an obvious lack of morals and values. The book touched on some heavy topics like adultery, grief, drug addition, and betrayal yet left me empty and sad in its worldly solutions. I just can’t understand how such a cold and shallow book could make it to the bestseller list, especially when there are books like, “Steal Away” by Linda Hall that tackle similar themes with so much more heart.

Besides the lack of substance in some best sellers, I’m also appalled by lies being published in other so-called great books. It’s frustrating to pick up a book – based solely on its promising title – to find that it is full of rubbish. It saddens me that this is what passes as authority and gains a prominent position on bookstore shelves.

I suppose I sound like I’m on a soapbox today, but as a reader I know that there are excellent well-written books that don’t see the same success as these others. My time is valuable and although I will not stop reading, I plan to read reviews from reliable sources before I start a book, be more discerning when my soul tells me to stop reading, and become more vocal on recommending, “must reads.”

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight (1 Corinthians 3:19 NIV.)

Angels of the Bible

Do you believe in angels? I do. Angels may seem like mythical characters like hobbits, fairies, and leprechauns. But I believe they are real.

One day, I was tidying up my son’s room and I came across a little blue book called, Angels of the Bible. In this book, it highlighted the many references to angels made throughout the Bible. We see snippets of God’s angels at work from the very beginning, Genesis 3:23-24, where angels stand guard at the Garden of Eden to the end of the book, which highlights the angels in Revelation 22:1,5 who showed John heaven.

In my Women of Faith Study Bible, angels are defined as “an order of heavenly, supernatural beings created by God for his purposes. Superior to human beings in intelligence and power, their full-time job and joy is to praise and serve God. As part of their acts of service to him, angels interact with humans, protecting, helping and delivering messages from God.”

I believe that angels surround us still today. I’ve heard many stories of people seeing angels. Television shows like, Touched by an Angel, base their story lines on these beliefs. And I myself believe that I’ve heard my own angel.

It was over five years ago when I went on a winter retreat with other women from my church. We were all bunking in a little cabin and I was sleeping on the top bunk. In my ear, my girlfriend said clearly, “Wake up”. I opened my eyes, but no one was there. It wasn’t my girlfriend. I believe that my angel was watching out for me, and cared enough to get me up before I missed the breakfast hour.

I find great comfort in the knowledge that God created beings to protect and help us.

Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation? (Hebrews 1:14 NIV)

In Jesus’ Name

When I was a teenager, I remember my brother suggesting to me that if I asked for something in Jesus’ name, it would be given to me. My eldest brother was schooled in theology and regularly attended church and youth group activities. I believed what he told me but didn’t quite understand.

At first, I kind of thought it was like finding a genie’s lamp. You had to rub it firmly before the genie would appear. I thought that asking for something in Jesus’ name was similar to rubbing the lamp. It was a pre-requisite required for my Lord to hear my prayer.

However, as I learned more about my faith this youthful misunderstanding was replaced with a more ritualistic assumption. I heard other people ending their prayers, “In Jesus’ name” and assumed this was to announce the ending of the prayer – something like “Amen.”

But again, I was wrong. More recently, I have learned the significance of saying, “In Jesus’ name” at the end of my prayers. In Hebrew, a person’s name depicted the whole character of the individual. So to pray in Jesus’ name, suggests that I pray within the character of God. I pray that the Lord hears me, not because of me, but because of Jesus. It suggests that I am in agreement with the Spirit of Christ. I am a Christian.  

In further study, I learned that the word “Christian” derives from the Greek work christianos, which means “belonging to Christ” like a slave, or “of Christ’s family” like a sibling. In the Bible study, “The Coach in Your Corner” it reads, “In the Roman Empire there were slaves who were so trusted that they were empowered to act legally in business in the name of their masters.” This might give us insight about praying in the name of Jesus. As a Christian, we belong to Christ and so as His slave we can represent Jesus just as Joseph the slave represented his master Potipher in Egypt. Paul starts his letter to the Romans with, “Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God” (Romans 1:1 NIV) and James starts his letter to Jewish Christians with, “James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ” (James 1:1 NIV.)

When we say, “In Jesus’ name” it is as if Jesus Himself said it. When we pray in Jesus’ name, we pray in the Spirit and our wishes and God’s wishes are the same, so that we only pray and ask for what it is that God desires to give us, which of course is the very best for us. It is not part of a superstition or an ending to be tacked on to a prayer. As His servants, God tells us to pray in His will for us and in His oneness He will give us what we ask.

“Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete” (John 16:24 NIV.)

Dwell in His Presence

When I went on my first date with my husband we sat across from each other and shared stories of our past and discussed our lives at the time. We talked about our families, our jobs, our hobbies and our interests. We laughed over funny anecdotes and listened intently to each other. Our next few dates were much the same. More than sharing our stories, we really enjoyed being together. We watched movies together, ate meals together and read together. We enjoyed being together, and sometimes we didn’t say anything but rather relished in just being in each other’s company.

This reminded me of my relationship with God. When I first gave my heart to Jesus, I was excited and enthusiastic to learn all I could about Him. I read books, attended Bible studies, prayed, talked to others, watched Christian television programs and listened to Christian radio stations. I was like a sponge, soaking in all I could to learn about God and His attributes. My enthusiasm and excitement has since been replaced with a burning desire. I continue to learn about Him and especially enjoy when something new is revealed to me.

Through my studies, I have come to discover that God desires a personal relationship with me similar to other relationships in my life. And one thing that He desires is to spend time with me. I knew this but I assumed that my time with Him should be spent in study and learning about Him.

Just like I would not spend all my hours with my husband asking him questions, studying his old photos and family tree and learning about him, God wants me to spend time with Him in His presence. Not thinking about what He can do for me or give me, but just being with Him. Quiet time together. Just enjoying meditating with God.

I challenged myself to sit still and enjoy God’s presence for 30 minutes. It was difficult, as I had to discipline my mind from wandering and thinking about what to have for supper. Instead I focused on God’s attributes. I spent the half hour thinking about God as if He were in the room with me; because He was. I spent the time “hanging out “ with my best friend. I enjoyed being with God for who He is. I challenge you to do the same.

May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord (Psalm 104:34 NIV).

Cell phone vs. Bible

Email can be educational, inspirational and just plain fun. My long-distance phone bills have been significantly cut because of my increased Internet usage. I “talk” with friends, family and co-workers on a daily basis. I am, however, grateful for my computer filter program. It automatically deletes those messages that appear phoney and blocks messages from people who try to sell me things. I’ve also mentioned to my regular contacts not to send me jokes, chain letters or anything else that wastes my time. Most are quite obliging. But then sometimes one of my friends feels I need to read something that they found encouraging, inspirational or just plain fun. One of these emails found its way into my inbox recently and I liked it so much that I printed it out. Unfortunately, many of these emails float around without permission from the original author, so I did research it but only found blogs on the topic – even one that was selling cell phones.

The email was titled, Cell Phone vs. Bible, and it read:

“I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phones?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn’t live without it?
What if we gave it to our kids as gifts?
What if we used it as we traveled?
What if we used it in case of an emergency?
What if we upgraded it to get the latest version?
This is something to make you go…hmm…where is my Bible?
Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don’t ever have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill!!”

For me, this was not only a cute email but also a wakeup call. How have I been treating the Word of God? Do I have my Bible handy all day, not just sitting on my bedroom dresser gathering dust? Do I read it everyday? Have I ever given a Bible as a gift? Do I plan to take it on my family vacation? Hmm. Yes, I think that I need to make some changes. How about you?

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word (Psalm 119:9 NIV.)

Black Ice and Angel’s Wings

I’d done all that I normally do before a long trip. I filled the truck with gas, checked the oil, cleaned the lights, filled up the windshield washer fluid – okay, I’ll be honest here, my husband did all that for me. But I did charge my cell phone, update my palm pilot and brew a fresh pot of coffee. I packed a bag of fruit, snacks and bottled water. I followed the Scout’s motto to always be prepared. I even packed a winter hat, mitts and scarf.
 
Then it happened. Only 15 minutes into my travels, my truck hit a patch of black ice. Like metal to a magnet, it cut a swath to the opposite side of the highway. “Dear Lord help me.” As the truck hit the snow bank, it twisted, swinging itself to face the opposite direction. “Dear Lord help me,” I prayed again. By then, the right two wheels dug into the snow and rolled the truck. It did a complete flip in the air and landed on all four tires. I prayed, “Dear Lord help me” as the contents of the truck spilled and rolled inside the cab. Something – I assume my stainless steel coffee mug – caught the side of my head. I felt wetness splash my face. My box of books (always my travel companion) spewed pages across the back seat. An apple from my lunch bag flew by. I saw only white outside my window – the snow bank? or perhaps the colour of the sky from upside down?  Though my seat belt still held me snug, the landing jarred me. I didn’t pass out. My head hurt. Realizing the truck was still running I turned it off quickly, imagining that the engine might burst into flames. My seat belt held me snug. I released it. I noticed a patch of skin missing from my right hand knuckle. I don’t know how that happened. It took all my energy just to breathe one shaky breath after another.
 
I survived. X-rays revealed all was well with me physically. I would be sore and achy but nothing a few Tylenol and a hot bath couldn’t fix. The truck didn’t. It was totalled. But something else changed in those few pivotal moments: my spiritual compass just doesn’t seem to point due North. I’m left with questions that have no easy answers.  Why did the accident happen? Why did God allow this frightful experience?

My brother offered a suggestion that perhaps I was being protected from a worse accident down the road. I wonder. Or maybe I was meant to stay home for the weekend for another reason. Perhaps. I don’t know why. And I don’t know if I’ll ever know why. This begs the question, why do bad things happen to good people?
 
I could puzzle about this until my mind aches. However, I choose to go with what I do know. God is sovereign. He is good. Whatever His reason for allowing this accident is fine with me. And I’m okay with the prospect of never knowing why. What I do know is that I am alive. I do know that I could be in a much worse physical condition. I do know that I could have had my children in the truck with me. It could have happened far away from home. It could have taken the life of another motorist.
 
I choose to look at the positives in this situation. Many drivers stopped to see if I was okay – a sure sign that our society is still full of good Samaritans. My ambulance ride and experience in the hospital was comforting and quick – nice to know that there are caring professionals available. I was able to return home before the kids came back from school, yet rely on a neighbour to take care of them as I slept. I enjoyed a guilt-free weekend of watching movies, sleeping and taking long hot baths. And I was able to read the supportive emails from family and friends, praying for my family and me.

I don’t know why bad things happen to good people. I do know that I’m alive and that God has His reasons. That’s good enough for me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV.)